2 days and counting...

we close on our house tomorrow afternoon, and get to move in on Saturday. i'm looking forward to getting settled in, and gettin' my rest on. yeah, my rest. i've been allowed to go back to work 4 hours a day unless i begin experiencing a lot of contractions. i'm happy to hear that i can at least be in the office part time. i'm not so happy to have to have that conversation with my boss.

we had our doctor appointment in Peoria today, and the doctor noticed a slight decrease in the amniotic fluid level. not such a good thing for us, but they'll consult with the doctors in Cincinnati to see if it is something to be alarmed about.

we are not in panic mode at the moment. there are too many other things for us to be worrying about right now such as our house, and Reid getting his schoolwork done, and me trying to get my work done from home. something i thought would be possible but bed rest prevents even the smallest things from being possibilities. aside from all of that, added stress could not be good for our baby right now. we have to give it to God, and trust in our doctors and try to get on with things in the meantime.

Amen and Amen

whew! what a couple of days we've had.

the packing police came over this morning and worked on packing up our apartment in shifts. needless to say, it's done! i slept through a lot of it. Wendy and Jeannie came over around 10:00, and packed the entire kitchen and then some, while i fell asleep.

Dena and Mary B. came over around 2:00 to bring me lunch and finish the job. i ended up calling the doctor while they were packing because the pain was just getting to be intolerable and i couldn't imagine another night like last night. i was in constant pain, and had to pee every three seconds.

Dena took me over to the doctor, they hooked me up to the monitor and saw that there was some irritation so i took a test and voila! i have a bladder infection. that's the culprit behind early labor pains, contractions, and just general discomfort. that's it. i'm so happy. i've never been happier to find out this kind of news. Reid is on his way to pick up my meds so i can start getting better. this also means that my bed rest days are probably almost over.

i think that this ordeal may have been God telling me to pay better attention to my body. it worked.

i don't know that i have words to express how thankful i am that we live in such a wonderful place, surrounded by such wonderful people. i've never been the recipient of such loving kindness in my life from people who aren't even related to me. i know that there is a reason that every single person is in our lives, and i am thankful to be able to see those reasons on days like today (it doesn't hurt that i had a great conversation with my wonderful aunt Teresa about this recently). i just want to give everyone who helped me today a huge hug. and watch out, i'm a hugger. fo' reals.

of beds and rest

yesterday we had another ultrasound. the fluid levels were good, and i was to see the doctor afterward. i sat waiting for the doctor after the ultrasound, and she poked her head in, said, "great, see you next week." and started to leave. i had to stop her because i had questions of course, and when i told her of the pain i'd been experiencing she immediately wanted to put me on the monitor. come to find out, i was having contractions which needed to be stopped. especially since this baby isn't done yet!

the sent me over to the hospital which is just through a walkway, and i was hooked up to another monitor, an IV, and given a shot to stop the contractions. Reid met me there, and we spent the better part of the afternoon in the hospital. they released me on bed rest until at least thursday when i go to Peoria to see the Maternal Fetal specialist again.

i'm kind of upset. having a little pity party for myself. what happens if i need to be on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy? how will we earn money? we're supposed to close on our house on Friday and i'd hate to think that we already have to worry about not having enough savings to make the mortgage payment until i can work again. i'm speculating. that's not good.

i get so mad at other people for speculating about the what ifs of this situation that doing it to myself isn't going to get me anywhere. i know that i have to pray that the right way to go about this will be revealed to us.

in the meantime, our apartment is far from being packed, and moving day is Saturday. i know that we have help for moving day, but i worry about Reid having to deal with all of this at once. first we have a problem pregnancy, then we decide to go ahead with buying a house and moving, and he's student teaching in the middle of all of it. i think Reid needs some extra prayers right now as he's just totally stepped up as the person who's going to get all of this stuff done. not that i ever doubted him.

i guess i'll try to "rest" now. wish me luck!

2 down!

had our second ultrasound since Cincinnati today. it went well. i only pray that they are all this easy!

i think my body is in protest of something because the last two days have been severely uncomfortable for me. i've felt like my belly is about to burst, and it hurt to sit, stand, walk, laugh, cry, etc. it's finally starting to feel better. phew!

oh yeah, i'm kinda getting huge too.

thank God for low rise jeans and rubber bands. my style hasn't been cramped too much. yet.

where's my husband?

seriously. i hate coming home to an empty apartment!

today, i feel like i'm going to pop. i don't think my body was ready for such a big baby so soon. i'll live, just uncomfortably for now.

i've had two really productive days at work this week, and we have a listing appointment tomorrow morning that i'm excited about. it's nice to have things like that to look forward to! we're also less than two weeks from closing on the house and really need to get packing.

hopefully we'll get to enjoy drinks (non-alcoholic for me, thanks) with friends tonight, and a good ultrasound in the morning to keep us going into the weekend.

good news

we had the first of many ultrasounds to come today. it went well. we could see our baby's face, and its adorable little arm and hand. we saw the baby move its little mouth, and eyes. love it.

i was happy to be able to call my mom with some good news. i hate to think that she's worrying about us so much. i know that it's because she cares, but seriously, life is stressful enough! luckily she's on her way to Florida to see my sister Tina. i know she's going to love spending some well deserved time in Ft. Myers (Tina's kids are cute to the zoo...and smart).

the doctor measured my belly today, and i measure at 27 weeks although i'm only 24. it just breaks my heart that the extra baby in there is bladder, and not just a big baby. at this point, it's about volume, not weight so i don't think the bladder is causing it to weigh more than it really should, maybe just a little.

Reid sent out another update email to our concerned friends and family. i'm so glad he's such a great writer. he should be the one to keep a blog, but has too much stuff going on in his life to make time for blogging. i have to give him credit, this is going to be a tough semester with student teaching, buying a house, having a problem pregnancy, and all of the other small stresses that life seems to present. he's pretty awesome and i'm so lucky to have him by my side through life.

it's only 8:00pm and i'm truly exhausted. time for some fizzy water and a good bedtime story to put me to sleep.

ultrasound? i think not.

my ultrasound appointment for this afternoon was canceled without my knowledge. i left work early to find that their only ultrasound technician is sick today. really? one person in the office is trained on how to use an ultrasound machine?

i admit that i'm having one of those days where i want to scream, because these things are so out of my control i feel totally helpless and sad. maybe i'm being over dramatic but i can't find any other words to describe the way i feel at the moment.

i look forward to our Merge Christmas leftovers party tonight. it'll be nice to see our church friends and have some fun.

we did have some good news from the termite inspector today, and i'm expecting our radon report anytime now. i pray that it's low so we don't have to ask the seller to mitigate the situation.

a whole new bag

i almost feel like i've had a chance to decompress from this week. it's been such a whirlwind that i'm surprised that tomorrow is Friday. not that i'm the kind of person who usually has a work-week countdown. i don't play that way. i like my job about 98% of the time.

speaking of jobs, i actually had sort of a rough day today. i've been so worried and distraught and distracted for the last few weeks that i finally got caught on a slip-up. i felt so horrible. i'm pretty good at beating myself up for mistakes i make at work. i think it's because it's not MY business, and i hate the idea that i've made things difficult or even just inconvenient for someone else. i hope that i can devote my full attention during the work day to what i'm doing. there's a lot of work to do, and for that i should be thankful. not many people in our industry can say that.

reid has been going over some of the information we were presented with at the end of our visit on Tuesday. thankfully he had the day off of school because of the sub-zero weather, and devoted some of that time to learning more about our baby's condition. he also took me out to lunch and we signed our contracts for the house we're buying at the end of the month.

i never thought i'd appreciate my husband so much but it has been so amazing to be married to reid. i guess i did think of marriage as a sort of "institution" before i was married, but having a relationship with reid combined with our heavenly Father, i feel like i'm wrapped in a big warm fuzzy blanket and never want to leave it. marriage is awesome.

i have an ultrasound tomorrow, one of the 30 something i'll have during the rest of the pregnancy. i pray that they see that the amniotic fluid is good. i pray that i don't get that blank look from the technician. i pray that reid can be there with me. i know that we'll get through this. i'm done speculating and ready to live my life, trust in God, love my family and friends for being awesome, and plan to let God bring this beautiful baby into the world. amen!

homecomings aren't always sweet

we got home today around three or three thirty. i stopped keeping track of the time. 

the last 48 hours have been some of the most intense hours of my life. i've had some low lows, and some high highs. i'll give you the long and the short of it...

we went through a day of testing consisting of an MRI, a meeting with a social worker, a pastor, a nurse/midwife, an intense ultrasound, a meeting with a genetic counselor, and a "team meeting."

all of these meetings were planned so well that i'm absolutely amazed at the efficiency of this place. everyone was gentle, kind, comforting, and honest. i didn't feel like i was having the wool pulled over my eyes during the process. it was nice.

the results of my MRI and ultrasound provided the doctors with enough information to come to a conclusion about treatment. the ultimate decision was to not intervene at this point. here's why:

unlike many of these cases, our baby actually  has a good amount of amniotic fluid surrounding it. usually, the fluid is gone or near gone, and the baby either needs intervention, or they tell you that the baby doesn't really have a chance. this precious fluid is keeping our baby alive, and its bladder is obviously emptying a little, just not nearly as much as it should.

our pregnancy is now considered to be high risk. i'll have to have ultrasounds twice weekly to make sure that the level of amniotic fluid remains the same. if it begins to deplete, i'll go back to Cincinnati for some sort of intervention.

while it was shocking to hear that nothing was going to be done to relive this enormous bladder issue, we heard the doctors logic behind their decision and conceded that we were okay with their recommendation. sticking a needle into my belly at this point could compromise the precious amount of amniotic fluid that is there. the risks to the baby and myself are outweighed by the benefits of not intervening at this time.

we will continue to pray for good ultrasounds. we'll continue to pray for a baby that we can hold in our arms in April or May.

i'll have to deliver at OSF in Peoria where they have a neonatal intensive care unit and specialists that can assist the baby when it is born. it'll need extra care in the beginning of its life, but i have faith that it'll survive.

the prayers the three of us have received have truly lifted us up in this time of uncertainty and fear. i know that my life, and that of my child are in God's hands, as they always were. 

it's nice to be home with Reid. we'll have some time tonight to decompress a bit. if it seems like i'm withholding information, it's because i haven't had the time to fully process the events of the last few days. more details will follow.

i feel the need to mention the incredible support we had on our trip. my mom along with Reid's mom and our friend Jon were with us every  moment of this ordeal the last couple of days. our moms did the worrying, comforting, and crying, and Jon provided wonderful support, insight, and the occasional giggle or twenty.

oh, Cincinnati

Reid and I are headed to Cincinnati with his mother Toni in tow. i was able to sweet talk the center into getting us in tomorrow instead of Friday!

please stay tuned as we'll post updates. you all are in our prayers because we love you, and are blessed to know you.

bad distractions...who knew!

we had our home inspection yesterday, and it turned up some things that worry me a lot. i'm talking deal breakers. which i'm fine with. i think the health and sanity of my family is worth more than a cute little house. period.

as a real estate agent, i'm disappointed in the amount of misrepresentation going on with this piece of property. i'm almost to the point where i'm done with it. if people want to be untruthful, and misrepresent things that can clearly be seen by others, they have a problem and i'm not about to make it my problem. if i had more energy right now, i'd probably be willing to fight much harder.

my mom and Gary were here today for brunch and to see the house. i'm so happy that she was able to be here. it's amazing what a hug from your parents will do for you. if i could get a hug from my dad and Carol, we'd be doing pretty well.

i'm going to work tomorrow to straighten things out in the office so that i can be prepared to leave for some time when that time comes. i actually really love my job, and the people i work with and for. it'll be nice to be in their company for a while tomorrow. now, other REALTORS in the office, maybe not so much but i'll just have to keep a low profile and not let myself get overly emotional. i'm not very good at that, so we'll just have to see what tomorrow brings.

information

i'm posting a link to the Fetal Care Center of Cincinnati's website. it may help describe what's going on, and it's helped me cope a little by giving me enough information to both scare me, and give me some hope.

http://www.fetalcarecenter.org/fetal-surgery/bladder-obstruction/default.htm

my love to everyone.

distractions!

today we have our house inspection on the home we've decided to purchase. i'm excited for the distraction, and hope that not much is found in the inspection. i don't know how much energy i have to fight silly issues that should be fixed even though the seller may think they're trivial or not worth it. we'll see! i've done this with clients, but when it's my house, i'm suddenly my nightmare client. weird how that works.

last night was nice. we had dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant, El Porton, and went to Dean & Andrea's to watch Wall E. it was cute to the zoo. i'm pretty sure that Reid now wishes we were robots in love in space now.

this morning i listened to a message from our good friend Amy. it made me cry, and not because she was crying in the message, but because i realized how much our friends really mean to us, and how much love i have for them. so, thank you, Amy. i love you too.

as for the general outpouring of support and love we've received, i am eternally grateful. i will keep this close to my heart forever, no matter what happens. i know that i am truly blessed.

reid continued to research a little more last night and some of the things he found gave him more hope, and some of them took it away. we just know that we have to have faith that God will show us what is supposed to happen. the miracle of medical science will help tremendously, and the well wishes from our family and friends will help keep our spirits up through whatever is coming.

i have to admit, i haven't been able to pick up any of the baby books i've been reading lately. it's my own self doubt shining through. i think i'm afraid to keep learning about something that i may not have, yet i want to believe that everything will be okay so i haven't given up, i'm just putting it on hold. Dr. Sears can wait.

my mom is coming down tomorrow for the day. i'm so glad. it'll be nice to be able to actually give her a big hug. i think we'll go see the new house too. can't wait!

waiting

Advent came and went, and along with it went my patience. i'm going kind of crazy sitting here in our apartment trying to figure out how to wait patiently enough for doctors and nurses to get things into place so that we can take care of our child. thank God Reid is here with me. i also thank Him that i have such a caring family, and such wonderful friends.

i hope that anyone who's said a prayer for us knows how much we truly appreciate it. we're returning them too, being thankful for all that we have.

it looks like we're going to Cincinnati. we don't know when, exactly, but hopefully sooner rather than later. i'd hate to have to wait all weekend to find out what's going on, and what can be done.

i feel like a broken record. i feel like crying. i wish i could hug my mom. i wish i felt like doing something other than sitting here feeling sorry for us.

in our 20s/30s ministry team at 2PC, we often used an analogy of a bridge to try to understand where people in our age group might fall in the ministry. i'm feeling the whole bridge thing right now. maybe we're stepping onto the bridge right now, and in my mind it's one of those bridges that's not flat, it's like a small hill, and we're going to have to begin walking uphill very soon. it might be a while until we're at the top and can see the other end of the bridge. we might stub a toe somewhere along the way, and that might slow us down for a while but i have faith that we're meant to get to the other side.

so the waiting continues. i wait for my spinal surgeon (from a surgery about 5 and a half years ago) to call me back so that i can have those surgical records faxed to Cincinnati. it sounds like they don't want to proceed with scheduling until they know what they'll be able to do. then i wait to hear when i'm scheduled to see the doctor so that we can get the hell out of here.

Reid and i had a very difficult day. we found out that there is a pretty serious complication with our baby. in short, it can't empty its bladder which has created a bladder the size of, well, it's practically bigger than the baby itself. we don't have all of the details yet, and will see a specialist hopefully in the next day in Cincinnati.

we've had the chance to talk to our families this evening, and for that we are so grateful. family can help put things into perspective.

we also had a chance to have some very close friends over tonight to help us talk about how we're coping, and to pray with us. i've never heard a more beautiful prayer, and i will keep it near to my heart these coming days, weeks, and months.

it's amazing how attached you can grow to a child that isn't really here yet. it's got at least four more months to go, but i wish i could hold it in my arms right now and see that it's okay. i want so badly for it to be okay. i know that reid feels the same, he is so amazing, and will be such an amazing father.

i'm hoping that all of the tears that we shared today will truly make us tired enough to be able to fall asleep tonight so that we can be alert when we get the call tomorrow as to what the next step is.

growing up and buying houses

we did it! we've got an accepted offer on a little house on Market Street. i finally feel like our family will have room to grow as it actually grows. interesting concept, more interesting that i resisted the idea for so long convincing myself that we could all fit in this tiny apartment! i'm tired of having Reid's bike in the living room. i'm done with that.

the transition from still feeling kind of like i'm still in college to adulthood is happening very fast. it's a welcome change.

we have our sonogram appointment in Peoria tomorrow with a specialist. i can't wait to see our baby again, and i pray that everything is alright, or at least fixable. i'm sure everything will be fine in the end, but the anticipation of this appointment combined with the anticipation and anxiety of trying to buy a house in a weekend have come together to form a pretty crazy stress that i can only describe as a tingly feeling in my tummy. it's different from the kicking and punching going on in my tummy so it's fairly easy to differentiate the two.

why am i blogging at 10:00 on a Wednesday? we were locked out of our office this morning at work and i'm at home waiting to be able to get in and get some work done. don't get me wrong, i wasn't about to bust the door down to get in there, but a full day of work after all of this holiday madness would be nice.

i look forward to dinner with the in-laws, and drinks (non-alcoholic for me) with friends tonight.

week 22

reid and i are expecting our first child in May. scary, i know. our camera was washed and dried, and no longer works so the photo taking has temporarily come to a halt and i'm going to try to describe my (our, maybe) experience using words. gasp! it's one of many ways i can put that english major to work for me. take that, everyone who said english majors were worthless.

i think i've gained about ten pounds now, and it shows. mostly in my belly. which is awesome. it's not awesome when i want to bend over to put socks on, or bend over to pick something up off of the floor, or reach for something in the car, or dig for stuff in the lower cabinets of our kitchen. okay, it's really only good for looking at and touching.

we had our first appointment with WIC this past week. although i don't consider myself to be living at poverty level, my income says that i am and therefore i can receive the services that the county provides to expectant and nursing mothers that i would otherwise have to pay for in some other medium. i consider myself lucky to be able to receive WIC, and don't care that i'm practically on food stamps because of it. i am disappointed that the milk i'm allowed to buy using the food stamps has to be the "least expensive brand." i might just have to keep buying organic milk to try to prevent my daughter or son from developing too early.

just today i began to get overly anxious about being pregnant and expecting our first child. we live in a tiny apartment and seem to have a lot of stuff. we went looking at houses the last couple of days and i'm pretty sure i've found the one house in bloomington i'd like to buy. now, qualifying for a mortgage is a different story. i pray that i can afford to give my family a little more space than we currently have.

i'm finding out (although i've always known this) that husbands are awesome. especially my husband. i'm so happy that we're both on the same page, and wonder how some people do it if they can't agree on certain fundamental things in their relationships. i feel that God has truly blessed me with a great family both immediate and extended. i'm lucky enough to have three sets of parents and they are all amazing.

i hope that you can enjoy watching reid and i go through the roller coaster that is pregnancy, and parenting.

i need to go so that i can expose my unborn child to some more sappy indie/folk music and clean the apartment. Bon Iver, here we come!