little mama plus two: another good day

today was another good day. of course, it was also sad because Toni & Gary had to go back to Arizona today. we will miss them dearly, and can't wait for them to come home in April to see a much bigger, hopefully healthier Raef. my mom also left this afternoon. it's so hard to say goodbye to our parents!

we didn't get to hold Raef today, but we did hear that his kidney function is improving! he's showing signs that he can hold his own for now. for now is all that matters at the moment. it's all we can count on as we've learned in the last two weeks in the NICU.

we see babies come and go so frequently in the room that Raef is in, that i've come to realize that i can't compare my baby's progress with that of any other child in the NICU. each kid has a different set of circumstances whether it be their gestational age, whether or not they have other medical problems, or the need for a ventilator. we have a sick baby. that's our circumstance. that's what we need to focus on.

yesterday, after holding Raef for about an hour, i looked over at Reid holding him, and asked the nurse about weaning kids off of the ventilator. she said that it's different for every child, and that some never come off of the vent. that took my completely awesome day to a low that i hadn't expected. it made me realize that i can't be looking that far into the future right now.

my mom and i went to Target after the hospital today, and we walked through the baby section. it's so hard for me to think about registering for baby things, or buying clothes for him. i feel like i should have enough hope to get past that, but i just don't. it breaks my heart, believe me.

on that note, i'm going to try to relax a little tonight. i believe we're having dinner with friends! we haven't really been able to do that in a while, i'm looking forward to it.