not even words

i can't fathom being able to describe today. in a good way. nevertheless, i'll try.

when we got to the NICU this afternoon, we found one of our favorite nurses to be taking care of Raef for the day. right away, she updated us on his vitals, and we were able to see that she'd put a little sleeper on him. his first time being dressed. how cute! it's funny, when certain nurses are taking care of him, his isolette looks cleaner, and he looks more content. it's nice to see.

we were then notified that we were going to be able to hold Raef today! yeah. us, hold him. it's a crazy idea, i know. i was so happy, i didn't really know what to say. after lunch, we waited for shift change to be done, and went in to find him all ready to be held by mommy and daddy.

nurses getting Raef ready to be held! not an easy task with his ventilator, leads, IV tubes, and such.

Reid and Raef. cute to the zoo. he's so relaxed in our arms. it's very reassuring that we're meant to be his parents. God's greatest gift in our very hands.

my baby. and me. who knew? i only cried a little during this whole ordeal. seriously. tears of joy.

this is actually right after they handed him to me. he's so tiny, but felt so perfect in my arms. he also smells like dirty socks. it's probably because of the moisture from the ventilator. i didn't care, it was a sweet smell because it was my baby!

here they are, putting him back into his isolette. such a task just to get him in and out of it, but i'm so glad they did. these women are amazing. they've given me the best gift i've received in my life so far; an hour with my child in my arms.

that was our day. in a nutshell. oh, my mom came down today as well, and is staying with us tonight. we need to be going to bed soon because we want to get to the hospital early tomorrow. Toni and Gary are leaving for Arizona again, and they need to get out of Peoria fairly early.

i'm thanking God right now for today. i feel a little more like a mom now that i've actually been able to hold Raef. it's been two weeks of longing for just that. these moments are so precious, i can't even imagine what it's like to have a full term baby and be able to hold them whenever you want. what a luxury!

i know that we're not out of the woods with Raef's health by any means, but he's been doing pretty well the last couple of days. we've been told by the social worker to take it one day at a time, to relish the good, and try to cope with the bad. today makes all of that seem a little less arduous.

thank you, everyone for prayers and support. we feel the grace of God. we feel loved and cared for, and know that our son is as well.